Oh my goodness, thank you for this thoughtful explanation of something I have felt so deeply but never understood. I am late-diagnosed AuDHD and have described talking as physically painful but not been clear about that experience beyond that. I am hyperverbal in thoughts and writing and sometimes speaking, but speaking is affected so profoundly by other factors, as you describe here. I am so grateful for you and your writing.
This resonates so hard. Recently I’ve been looking for places to speak my thoughts without verbalizing the words. For example, while I sit in meditation, speaking directly to an ancestor, the land, an element, or diety. Many times when it’s painful to speak for me, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to, it means I’m not physically able to without comprising the safety my body feels in not speaking when I’m emotionally drained or in an uncomfortable environment.
As I increasingly embrace myself, as I became more and more able to show up as non-masking, I am finding, to my surprise, that I sometimes do show up as nonverbal. This is new for me. In the past, I simply withdrew and isolated, so I didn’t even track that I was feeling nonverbal. Now I sometimes don’t withdraw from social situations where I feel emotionally overwhelmed, and it’s been… interesting. So far this has only happened in the company of people who are able to understand and accommodate me, and it’s actually been quite affirming so far. But my experience is still quite limited. Still learning.
Thanks so much for your post, it’s so helpful to hear how others relate to this. 💜
This resonates a lot for me - your experience of withdrawing instead of staying connected without speaking. You really illuminated that for me, that I've done the same, and for most of my life didn't even track that I was in a non-speaking state because I was isolating. Thank you!
One of the things that most gives me hope in this world is when parents of neurodivergent children express care and interest in understanding their children instead of trying to "fix" them. Even when it just a sentence or two, as in your comment here, it is a warm spark. Thank you.
Aw, thank you for that warm fuzzy back. I find it incredibly helpful to read and listen to creators who are gender and/or neurodiverse talk about their lived experience, perspectives and discoveries.
Thank you so much for this AJ. On the couple of occasions that my (usually extremely hyper verbal) daughter has experienced being non-speaking, it was such a stark contrast that it was difficult to take her seriously (though I believe I tried). This articulation is immensely helpful in understanding the experience, in thinking more deeply about the triggers and also in being able honour and support her in that better in future. I really appreciate you being able to put words around this 🙏🏻
As is usual for me, what you have described not only resonates intensely for me, but also broadens my awareness in a profound way. I have struggled my whole life with my shifting states that range from being completely non-speaking to being extremely talkative because I have tried to understand myself through that neurological lens that doesn't accommodate the way Autistic brains work. I have struggled to explain to people why/how my ability and/or willingness to speak changes, and that it's not a simple choice or a passive/aggressive behavior meant to manipulate, but I don't feel that I have been able to explain it in a way that neurological people understand. What you have written here is brilliant, and explains it so beautifully. Thank you, once again, for sharing your experience and wisdom.
Thank you for sharing this, AJ. I’ve never been able to articulate how it feels to be in a non-speaking space. I’ve yet to learn how to communicate it to others when I’m there. I want to sit with how to do that - especially with people I care about. Really grateful to read this.
Oh my goodness, thank you for this thoughtful explanation of something I have felt so deeply but never understood. I am late-diagnosed AuDHD and have described talking as physically painful but not been clear about that experience beyond that. I am hyperverbal in thoughts and writing and sometimes speaking, but speaking is affected so profoundly by other factors, as you describe here. I am so grateful for you and your writing.
Thank you for sharing this Lindsay! I'm so happy to have you here.
This resonates so hard. Recently I’ve been looking for places to speak my thoughts without verbalizing the words. For example, while I sit in meditation, speaking directly to an ancestor, the land, an element, or diety. Many times when it’s painful to speak for me, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to, it means I’m not physically able to without comprising the safety my body feels in not speaking when I’m emotionally drained or in an uncomfortable environment.
Thank you Monique, this all resonates with me also.
As I increasingly embrace myself, as I became more and more able to show up as non-masking, I am finding, to my surprise, that I sometimes do show up as nonverbal. This is new for me. In the past, I simply withdrew and isolated, so I didn’t even track that I was feeling nonverbal. Now I sometimes don’t withdraw from social situations where I feel emotionally overwhelmed, and it’s been… interesting. So far this has only happened in the company of people who are able to understand and accommodate me, and it’s actually been quite affirming so far. But my experience is still quite limited. Still learning.
Thanks so much for your post, it’s so helpful to hear how others relate to this. 💜
I'm still learning too, LMM. So glad you're experiences have been affirming. Long may that continue.
your*
This resonates a lot for me - your experience of withdrawing instead of staying connected without speaking. You really illuminated that for me, that I've done the same, and for most of my life didn't even track that I was in a non-speaking state because I was isolating. Thank you!
This, 1000%
I have a 13 year old child who is sometimes non speaking. I appreciate this, and a lot of it resonates, as a caregiver/witness. Thank you.
You are welcome, Joy. This is beautiful to know.
One of the things that most gives me hope in this world is when parents of neurodivergent children express care and interest in understanding their children instead of trying to "fix" them. Even when it just a sentence or two, as in your comment here, it is a warm spark. Thank you.
Aw, thank you for that warm fuzzy back. I find it incredibly helpful to read and listen to creators who are gender and/or neurodiverse talk about their lived experience, perspectives and discoveries.
Thank you so much for this AJ. On the couple of occasions that my (usually extremely hyper verbal) daughter has experienced being non-speaking, it was such a stark contrast that it was difficult to take her seriously (though I believe I tried). This articulation is immensely helpful in understanding the experience, in thinking more deeply about the triggers and also in being able honour and support her in that better in future. I really appreciate you being able to put words around this 🙏🏻
You are welcome, Laura. Thank you for sharing this, and I'm glad this supports you in supporting your daughter.
As is usual for me, what you have described not only resonates intensely for me, but also broadens my awareness in a profound way. I have struggled my whole life with my shifting states that range from being completely non-speaking to being extremely talkative because I have tried to understand myself through that neurological lens that doesn't accommodate the way Autistic brains work. I have struggled to explain to people why/how my ability and/or willingness to speak changes, and that it's not a simple choice or a passive/aggressive behavior meant to manipulate, but I don't feel that I have been able to explain it in a way that neurological people understand. What you have written here is brilliant, and explains it so beautifully. Thank you, once again, for sharing your experience and wisdom.
You are so welcome, LC. Thank you for your vulnerability in what you share here, appreciate you and your contributions.
Meant to say "neurotypical" lens, not neurological. Stupid spell checker!
Thank you for sharing this, AJ. I’ve never been able to articulate how it feels to be in a non-speaking space. I’ve yet to learn how to communicate it to others when I’m there. I want to sit with how to do that - especially with people I care about. Really grateful to read this.
You're welcome, Robin. It's a process, I'm still figuring it out too. Thank you for reading.